I’m Thomas, and this is my story
Here’s how it started
I didn’t start out as a therapist, and my path to this work definitely wasn’t a straight line - in fact, it was a pretty bumpy road. But looking back, it’s clear that where I am now is where I’ve always wanted to be.
I grew up in the United States, where I earned my bachelor's and master's degrees in music, and started building my career as an opera singer. I sang leading roles at my universities, won some important competitions, and was a member of some wonderful young artist programs. I even sang a solo recital at Carnegie Hall. I felt like I was moving in all the right directions.
In 2011, I moved to Germany to join the opera studio at the Hamburg State Opera, and after that built a freelance career that eventually led to a full-time contract as a soloist (a “fest position”) in the ensemble at the opera house in the city of Magdeburg.
From the outside, things looked good - and in many ways, they were! But no matter how many successes I could put on my CV, I couldn’t shake this feeling that I just wasn’t good enough. I was wrestling with constant anxiety, and I had an inner critic that wouldn’t shut up.
I found ways to succeed despite them, but I never found a way to stop them. I tried different types of therapy, and used all kinds of tools to fight my inner demons. Those things helped a for a while, but they took enormous amounts of energy - and nothing ever worked for long.
And the longer that fight went on, the more it affected my singing and my confidence on stage - which only made the anxiety stronger, my inner critic louder, and that “not good enough” feeling even more intense. It was a vicious cycle, and I didn’t know how to stop it.
But then things changed
In 2016, three major things happened at once. First, my contract in Magdeburg ended, and left me without a job; then, I moved to a brand new city (Berlin); then, my younger brother died.
Suddenly all I knew was that I was living far from my family, in a country that still didn’t feel like it was mine and in a city I barely knew, at a moment when my career and my private life were both massive question marks. I had been in Germany long enough to really feel the distance between me and all of my people “back home,” but hadn't yet found my solid community in my new home. And I could count on one hand the number of people I knew in Berlin. I felt genuinely lost.
So of course, I reached out to therapists in Berlin. I found one who had space, and who worked with this thing called “IFS” - I’d never heard of it before, but all that mattered was that I’d found someone who could help. So we dove in.
That’s when something shifted.
For the first time, instead of trying to push away the parts of me that I didn’t like - the anxious part, the critical part, the part who felt like he wasn’t good enough - my therapist helped me listen to them. To get curious about them, and try to understand why they were stuck doing the things they’d been doing. She helped me see that those parts of me were actually trying to help me. After all, if they thought they were doing something bad, they’d have stopped a long time ago!
She also helped me discover my core Self - my most curious, compassionate, even courageous self. For years I’d wondered which of my internal voices was “the real me.” Once I found my core Self, I realized… that’s who I really am.
And when I could tap in to my core Self and listen to my parts, I realized that what they were telling me… actually made sense! My anxiety had been worrying to make sure I kept working hard, hoping I’d eventually feel like I was good enough; my inner critic had been pointing out all my mistakes to try to help me stop making them, hoping I’d eventually feel like I was good enough. And the part of me who felt like he wasn’t good enough was just a little kid, holding on to the messages he’d heard - messages he didn’t need to keep anymore.
My “inner demons” were really “inner heroes,” just stuck in tough spots!
Now, my anxiety is an incredibly helpful inner planner, and my critic is my biggest cheerleader.
That process changed everything. Not just my anxiety and my critic, but my relationship with my whole self, with my family, with my work, and with what I wanted my life to look like.
How things look now
IFS helped me find what I hadn’t found anywhere else: genuine relief, and a true sense of agency in my own life. And once I found that, I knew I wanted to bring it to other people - especially artists, who consistently put their most vulnerable parts on display for the world, and other immigrants and expats like me, who know what it means to leave their world behind to build a life far from home.
In 2021 I earned my license in Berlin as a Heilpraktiker für Psychotherapie, trained to become a Certified Internal Family Systems Therapist, and I've been doing this work ever since - and what I bring to every session is not just clinical training, but the lived experience of someone who has sat exactly where many of my clients are sitting.
And I’m still performing! That picture up top shows me taking a bow after singing an after-hours concert at the Louvre in 2024. My singing career continues to take me to some amazing places - you can read more about my singing work here - and I know I wouldn't be where I am now if I hadn't discovered IFS. Because discovering IFS helped me discover my true self.
And that’s exactly why I do this work. I've seen what happens when you finally stop fighting your inner world and start listening to it.
IFS gave me the tools that have changed my life, and I’d love to help you find them, too.
Ready to change your story?
If any of what you've read here resonates, I'd love to connect. A free 15-minute intro call is a relaxed, no-commitment way to see if working together feels right.
You can schedule a call by filling out this form, or emailing me directly at: thomas@englishtherapyinberlin.com
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